SINGLENESS!

Since I began this marriage theme last week ….

One of the smart students at Dallas Seminary had a great idea a few weeks ago. Apparently one of her Chinese friends told her that in that part of the world they celebrate “Singles Day” on either 1/11 or 11/1 (all those poor, lonely single digits!). So she organized a Singles Day gathering at the single students’ apartments (aka “Washington Hall”) at DTS last Sunday. With potluck Chinese food, of course. And I was invited to go over and join these blessed ones (ahem!) to share any words of wisdom I might have accumulated while ambling along the path of singleness.

I told them I knew the exact moment I had decided to remain single. Yup, the exact moment. It was (many years ago) when my married friend Jeff told me: “Abe,” he said, “I didn’t know the secret of happiness until I got married. … And then it was too late.” That’s when I made my decision. Right then and there.

[Just kidding, folks! And, in case you were wondering, Jeff is still married. Happily!]

Anyhow, I define my singleness this way: single by choice, for life, unto Christ, in community.

According to Paul, both marriage and celibacy are gifts.

… each person has
his own gift from God
one in this manner
[to be single],
and another in that
[to be married].
1 Corinthians 7:7

I just happened to have discovered mine.

This is the season, I told those students, to exploit singleness to the max. With a special kind of freedom that, once married, they will probably never have, this is the season to focus undistractedly upon the body of Christ, pouring themselves out for the church. Singles have two free arms. Extra valencies to make more bonds.

But, yes, it is true, that in most churches there is an implicit bias against singles—those “abnormal” folks. In single men, Luther wrote, one can have neither hope nor confidence, only constant fear. Yeah, right! And single women? He didn’t think anyone of them should be celibate for—and I quote—“a woman has no control over herself.” Sheesh! Those remaining celibate by choice were not pleasing to God, stated that monk. “They cannot boast that what they do is pleasing in God’s sight, as can the woman in childbirth, even if her child is born out of wedlock.” Wow!

Lest we forget, marriage is not the summum bonum, the greatest good, of Christian life. If it were, there would have been marriage in heaven. There isn’t!

Discussing the resurrection with some religious leaders, Jesus said:

“For when they rise from the dead,
they neither marry
nor are given in marriage,
but are like angels in heaven.”
Mark 12:24–25

And as Clint Eastwood once observed, “"They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.”

(That quote has no relevance to what I’m saying, but it was too good to pass by! That’s what we preachers do when we find a delectable quote or delightful story.)

Being married or not being married has nothing to do with being Christlike—God’s demand of His children. And if we live lives seeking God, fearing God, serving God, loving God—being Christlike—we’ll lack nothing, no matter if one is single or otherwise. God is more interested in our holiness than our happiness.

The young lions do lack
and suffer hunger;
But they who seek the LORD
shall not be in want
of any good thing.
Psalm 34:10

Life is short. Let’s live for Him.