ZZZZZ!

Now admit it. We’ve all done it. Staying in bed way beyond the time the alarm goes off. Often punching the snooze button umpteen times.

And if you’ve had trouble waking up, you’ve tried it all. Loud noises. Cacaphonic music. Alarm clocks at a distance, forcing you to get out of bed (to hit the snooze button and then get back to bed), or even—for the adventurous—multiple alarm clocks.

But nothing beats this device for motivating one to jump out from under the cozy coverings.

It’s diabolical—an alarm clock that shreds money! If you wake up immediately when it goes off, you save the cash. If not, it proceeds to atomize your Ben Franklin, slashed, gashed, and hashed, in front of your sleepy eyes.

Weird. But I bet it’s effective!

(Of course, deliberate destruction of U.S. currency will get the Feds after you—perhaps another powerful motivator to get you out of bed!)

In the comments section, one macho guy noted that cash was for sissies. He recommended using birth certificates instead!

Dangerous consequences are good motivators!

And the book of Proverbs had a few things to say about that …

Go to the ant, O sluggard,
Observe her ways and be wise,
Which, having no chief, officer or ruler,
Prepares her food in the summer
And gathers her provision in the harvest.
How long will you lie down, O sluggard?
When will you arise from your sleep?
Proverbs 6:6–9


Laziness casts into a deep sleep,

And an idle man will suffer hunger.

Proverbs 19:15

Do not love sleep,

or you will become poor;

Open your eyes,

and you will be satisfied with food.

Proverbs 20:13

“A little sleep, a little slumber,

A little folding of the hands to rest,”

Then your poverty will come as a robber

And your want like an armed man.

Proverbs 24:33–34

Scary stuff!

Another commenter on the website announcing this money-devouring machine provided a helpful take on this barbarous device. He suggested that on weekends, one could try reverse motivation by using, instead of cash, pictures of one’s “evil ex-” or “horrible boss.” Then, one could just stay in bed longer, letting those foes and adversaries get shredded!

In other words, pleasant consequences are good motivators, too.

Here is the Proverbs writer again …

My son, let them not vanish from your sight;

Keep sound wisdom and discretion,

So they will be life to your soul

And adornment to your neck.

Then you will walk in your way securely

And your foot will not stumble.

When you lie down,

you will not be afraid;

When you lie down,

your sleep will be sweet.

Proverbs 3:21–24

Sweet!

The fear of the LORD leads to life,

So that one may sleep satisfied,

untouched by evil.

Proverbs 19:23

Yup, that's good reason to sleep in.

So go on. Take an extra hour or two. Deadlines come, deadlines go. May schedules perish; may timetables vanish. A hex on calendars, and a pox on clocks.


For those not persuaded by this line of subtle argument, who, seeking to capitalize on every millisecond, have, by now, gotten keenly interested in obtaining their own personal cash-consuming contraption, I hate to disappoint you. Apparently this gizmo is still only in the concept stage, yet to be manufactured.


In the meantime, remember ...

It is vain for you to rise up early,

To retire late,

To eat the bread of painful labors;

For He gives to His beloved even in his sleep.

Psalm 127:2

Where’s that snooze button …