ZZZZZ!

Now admit it. We’ve all done it. Staying in bed way beyond the time the alarm goes off. Often punching the snooze button umpteen times.

And if you’ve had trouble waking up, you’ve tried it all. Loud noises. Cacaphonic music. Alarm clocks at a distance, forcing you to get out of bed (to hit the snooze button and then get back to bed), or even—for the adventurous—multiple alarm clocks.

But nothing beats this device for motivating one to jump out from under the cozy coverings.

It’s diabolical—an alarm clock that shreds money! If you wake up immediately when it goes off, you save the cash. If not, it proceeds to atomize your Ben Franklin, slashed, gashed, and hashed, in front of your sleepy eyes.

Weird. But I bet it’s effective!

(Of course, deliberate destruction of U.S. currency will get the Feds after you—perhaps another powerful motivator to get you out of bed!)

In the comments section, one macho guy noted that cash was for sissies. He recommended using birth certificates instead!

Dangerous consequences are good motivators!

And the book of Proverbs had a few things to say about that …

Go to the ant, O sluggard,
Observe her ways and be wise,
Which, having no chief, officer or ruler,
Prepares her food in the summer
And gathers her provision in the harvest.
How long will you lie down, O sluggard?
When will you arise from your sleep?
Proverbs 6:6–9


Laziness casts into a deep sleep,

And an idle man will suffer hunger.

Proverbs 19:15

Do not love sleep,

or you will become poor;

Open your eyes,

and you will be satisfied with food.

Proverbs 20:13

“A little sleep, a little slumber,

A little folding of the hands to rest,”

Then your poverty will come as a robber

And your want like an armed man.

Proverbs 24:33–34

Scary stuff!

Another commenter on the website announcing this money-devouring machine provided a helpful take on this barbarous device. He suggested that on weekends, one could try reverse motivation by using, instead of cash, pictures of one’s “evil ex-” or “horrible boss.” Then, one could just stay in bed longer, letting those foes and adversaries get shredded!

In other words, pleasant consequences are good motivators, too.

Here is the Proverbs writer again …

My son, let them not vanish from your sight;

Keep sound wisdom and discretion,

So they will be life to your soul

And adornment to your neck.

Then you will walk in your way securely

And your foot will not stumble.

When you lie down,

you will not be afraid;

When you lie down,

your sleep will be sweet.

Proverbs 3:21–24

Sweet!

The fear of the LORD leads to life,

So that one may sleep satisfied,

untouched by evil.

Proverbs 19:23

Yup, that's good reason to sleep in.

So go on. Take an extra hour or two. Deadlines come, deadlines go. May schedules perish; may timetables vanish. A hex on calendars, and a pox on clocks.


For those not persuaded by this line of subtle argument, who, seeking to capitalize on every millisecond, have, by now, gotten keenly interested in obtaining their own personal cash-consuming contraption, I hate to disappoint you. Apparently this gizmo is still only in the concept stage, yet to be manufactured.


In the meantime, remember ...

It is vain for you to rise up early,

To retire late,

To eat the bread of painful labors;

For He gives to His beloved even in his sleep.

Psalm 127:2

Where’s that snooze button …

LORD!

A sad thing happened a couple of days ago.

The call of nature, when it beckons, cannot always be ignored. Alois Mabhunu didn’t. And it got him into big trouble. BIG trouble!

Police sergeant Mabhunu was on duty at the Zimbabwe International Trade Fair in the western city of Bulawayo, when he was summoned by nature. An unfortunate moment.

He looked around for the nearest restroom. He spotted one. And used it.

A disastrous decision.

The problem began when he exited. He was promptly arrested.

Apparently that particular toilet had been reserved for Zimbabwe’s President Robert Mugabe who was visiting the fair on its opening day. Mr. Mabhunu was imprisoned for impudent invasion of the presidential privy. Some cheek!

Local radio station VOP reported that “Mabhunu, due to the call of nature, rushed to the toilets reserved for Mugabe and his guest Ekra, but was stopped by other officers guarding the toilets. Under intense pressure from the call of nature, the officer forced his way in and managed to relieve himself.” The poor guy.

He plans to appeal. Beatrice Mtetwa, a leading Zimbabwean human rights lawyer, argued that “There has to be a law saying the toilet is the president’s, but this was a public one.  They will have had to issue a proclamation in the government gazette specifying it [Mugabe’s ownership of the john]. I bet they didn’t do that.” In any case, we hope that our man, Mabhunu, will be exonerated on compassionate grounds.

Of course, Mr. Mugabe’s “reign of terror” has been internationally denounced as an oppressive regime. Its people are suffering, its economy is suffering. The Zimbabwean dollar, once worth US$1.47 is now in a freefall. (US$1 is now worth several trillion of the old denomination, if not more.) In the three decades of Mr. Mugabe’s rule, the country has slid into shocking collapse—“the most dramatic peacetime collapse of any country,” one analyst said. His honorary doctorates from Edinburgh and University of Massachusetts have been stripped.  Sanctions have been imposed upon his government by the US and the EU (the US still provides humanitarian aid to the tune of US$1 billion). Parade magazine has ranked him as the worst dictator ever.

So this is one guy, whose private toilet you should probably not invade. Even if he is not in it. Even if nature commands you at inconvenient moments. Even if “under intense pressure.”

Avoid, at all costs, dictators and their toilets.

Once when the disciples of Jesus began to have aspirations of greatness and lordliness, Jesus warned them.

Jesus said to them,

“You know that those who are

recognized as rulers of the Gentiles

lord it over them;

and their great men

exercise authority over them.

But it is not this way among you,

but whoever wishes to become

great among you

shall be your servant;

and whoever wishes to be

first among you

shall be slave of all.”

Mark 10:42–44

In the kingdom of God, worldly values are reversed and overthrown. Lord? No; instead, slave. Great men? No; instead, servants.

That is what Jesus would have us be. By being servants, we become great in the eyes of God.

And Jesus capped this lesson with the remarkable declaration of his own identity and mission.

“For even the Son of Man

did not come to be served,

but to serve, and to give His life

a ransom for many.”

Mark 10:45

So there it is: our task and our model. To serve like Jesus did. Not to lord it over others like some of our world’s dictators.

Let’s go serve.

END!

“Nope!” is right. We’re all still here, way past 6:00 pm on Saturday, May 21, 2011.

Another “prophecy” bites the dust.

Family Radio host Harold Camping predicted the rapture would occur at 6:00 pm on May 21. At first he said it was 6:00 pm New Zealand time. When nothing happened in that part of the world, he switched the time-zone to Jerusalem time. Jerusalem is still here. And so are we. And I think Camping is here too.

Of course, today he’ll probably announce a glitch in his calculations and push the date forward. Camping is a veteran at this and, around his apocalyptic claims, has built a $72 million- ministry, including Family Radio. His last attempt to date the rapture (or was it the end of the world?) fixed the event at 1994.

Needless to say, that didn’t quite pan out either.

Yesterday, when asked by a reporter what he’d do if this deal didn’t come to pass, Mr. Camping said: “It … will … absolutely … happen!” The man didn’t give himself any wiggle room at all.

The rapture would take 3% of the world’s population to be with Jesus, he said. Earthquakes would happen all over the world, he said, all at 6:00 pm local time, beginning in Christmas Island. It would hit the US at 6:00 pm Eastern Daylight Time, he said. The end of the world, though, would happen only five months later, on October 21, 2011, he said.

God must have changed his mind!

So much for doomsday “prophet” Harold Camping.

Lots of folks believed him. A couple of days ago, on May 19, 2011, the search term “end of the world May 21^st” hit #2 rank on Google Trends. “Harold Camping,” “May 21 doomsday,” and “May 21 rapture” reached the top #10.

But some of his own employees took him with a good dose of NaCl. Esther, a receptionist at their Oakland office, declared to CNNMoney on Friday: “I don't believe in any of this stuff that’s going on, and I plan on being here next week.” Some of Camping’s coworkers questioned his “goodbye letter” that encouraged them to “steadfastly continue to stand with us to proclaim the Gospel through Family Radio.”

Did the dude not believe himself? Hmm ….

On this matter of the return of the Lord Jesus, one thing is sure. He is coming back.

Jesus, himself, proclaimed:

“For the Son of Man is going to come

in the glory of His Father

with His angels.”

Matthew 16:27

And part of that end-time complex of events will include the rapture of believers.

For the Lord Himself will descend

from heaven with a shout,

with the voice of the archangel

and with the trumpet of God,

and the dead in Christ will rise first.

Then we who are alive and remain

will be caught up together with them

in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air,

and so we shall always be with the Lord.

1 Thessalonians 4:16–17

But here’s the deal:

“… of that day and hour no one knows,

not even the angels of heaven,

nor the Son,

but the Father alone.”

Matthew 24:36

No one! Not even Mr. Camping.

Ours is not to fix dates and times and schedules and calendars. Our call is to be patient, to watch and wait for the blessed hope of the Lord’s coming.

Therefore be patient, brethren,

until the coming of the Lord. …

strengthen your hearts,

for the coming of the Lord is near.

James 5:7–8

It is. He’s coming. Soon.

“Come, Lord Jesus!”

GROSS!

The other day, my neighbor, Timothy, invited me over for lunch. One of his children had gifted him with a bucketful of crawfish, and did I care for some, he wanted to know.

Crawfish? Me? I’m not a seafood fan, preferring dead cow as my choice of edible flesh.

Actually, crawfish (or crayfish, or crawdads), are freshwater crustaceans. But who cares? They still look gross.

With the warmer water temperatures, millions of these grotesque creatures awaken in muddy swamps and marshes, and begin offering themselves  to humans for consumption—an obligatory rite-of-spring celebration in the southeastern US.

Scaly monsters with disproportionate and asymmetric claws, beady eyes, creepy antennae, and seemingly impenetrable armor. No wonder they’re also called mudbugs.

Gross!

But not for some. They think that this miniature Godzilla-like creature easily rivals its heftier saltwater sibling, the Atlantic lobster. Yeah, right! (Not that I care for this last specimen of flesh either, but, hey, “Atlantic lobster” at least sounds more respectable!)

Notice the huge pile of remains of deceased Procambarus clarkii (red swamp crawfish) piled on Timothy’s side of the table! Feeding frenzy.

And notice my share.

If you wondered about the newspaper, that is the prescribed method of eating these things. As one expert and crawfish gourmand recommended: “Take a few hundred pounds of live crawfish, plunge them into seasoned boiling water, spill whole mess onto newspaper-covered table. Pick up a steaming crawfish and rip it into two pieces—cephalothorax and tail. Strip shell from tail end, bite off exposed meat, and inhale deeply through the head cavity. Take long quaff of fizzy beer, then throw shell onto towering mountain of empties. Repeat as needed.”

Gross.

The amount of meat per crawfish is miniscule, hence aficionados, like aforementioned neighbor of mine, go for high volume.

Gross.

If you’ve seen a crawfish boil, you might have noticed how that mixture of reddish crustaceans, copious cayenne, and other stuff uncannily and eerily looks like a pot of boiling blood.

Gross.

All this to say that I took one tiny bite and just about gave up the ghost. Not my man, Timothy. He kept on going. Love doth indeed cover grossness!

He spoke and said to those

who were standing before him, saying,

“Remove the filthy garments from him.”

Zechariah 3:4a

That’s God talking about Israel’s high priest, Joshua, whose “filthy garments” represent the sin of the nation, and by extension the sin of human kind. And “filth”? It literally means human excrement!

Gross!

Even the seemingly righteous deeds we perform are like an unclean garment.

For all of us have become

like one who is unclean,

And all our righteous deeds

are like a unclean garment;

And all of us wither like a leaf,

And our iniquities, like the wind,

take us away.

Isaiah 64:6

For God is so holy, so absolutely, totally, perfectly holy, that he cannot even look upon sin.

Your eyes are too pure to approve evil,

And You can not look on wickedness with favor.

Habakkuk 1:13

Look, now, at what God does to Joshua and his “filthy garment.”

Again He said to him, 

“See, I have taken your iniquity

away from you and will

clothe you with festal robes.”

Zechariah 3:4b  

Filthy garments to festal robes.

Love does cover grossness!

But God demonstrates

His own love toward us, in that

while we were yet sinners,

Christ died for us.

Romans 5:8

Someone else paid for my grossness and gave me His garments.

He who overcomes

will thus be clothed

in white garments.

Revelation 3:5

Praise God!

Abandon all grossness … and crawfish, y’all!

TRANSFORMATION!

What a transformation.

From January 9, 1982 to April 29, 2011, she was Miss Catherine Elizabeth Middleton, aka Kate. From April 29, 2011, she became Her Royal Highness Princess William Arthur Philip Louis, Duchess of Cambridge, Countess of Strathearn, Baroness Carrickfergus.

All because of her bridegroom: His Royal Highness Prince William Arthur Philip Louis, Duke of Cambridge, Earl of Strathearn, Baron Carrickfergus, etc., who, needless to say, was born His Royal Highness.

What a change indeed for his bride. The good lady was born a commoner. She is now royalty, after a wedding watched by over 2 billion people and reportedly costing upwards of $70 million!

From commoner to royalty. Doesn’t happen to most.

Wait, … it does. Or could.

For He rescued us from the domain of darkness,

and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son.

Colossians 1:13

“Commoners” we all are, “by nature” sinners, estranged from a holy God, and deserving of the consequences of sin.

And you were dead

in your trespasses and sins,

in which you formerly walked ….

We too all formerly lived

in the lusts of our flesh,

indulging the desires of the flesh

and of the mind,

and were by nature

children of wrath.

Ephesians 2:1–3

But then, an amazing transformation takes place.

But God, being rich in mercy,

because of His great love

with which He loved us,

even when we were dead

in our transgressions,

made us alive together with Christ

(by grace you have been saved),

and raised us up with Him,

and seated us with Him

in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus.

Ephesians 2:4–6

Commoners to royalty with Christ. Sinners to saints in Christ.

And how does this transformation occur?

For by grace you have been

saved through faith;

and that not of yourselves,

it is the gift of God;

not as a result of works.

Ephesians 2:8–9

Nope, it didn’t cost $70 million. In fact, it’s free. Free, because someone else paid for it, with his life, bearing the cost of our sins. And for those who, believing in Jesus Christ as their only God, place their trust in him as Savior, this free gift becomes theirs.

For the wages of sin is death,

but the free gift of God

is eternal life in

Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 6:23

Transformation. Royalty. Heirs. Reigning.

… we are children of God,

and if children, heirs also,

… fellow heirs with Christ.

Romans 8:16–17

You were slain, and

purchased for God with Your blood

those from every tribe and tongue

and people and nation.

You have made them a kingdom

and priests to our God;

and they will reign upon the earth.

Revelation 5:9–10

And one day it will be said:

“The kingdom of the world

has become the kingdom of

our Lord and of His Christ;

and He will reign forever and ever.”

Revelation 11:15

Not only that, there in that new kingdom …

… the throne of God and

of the Lamb will be in it,

and His bond-servants will serve Him;

… and they will reign forever and ever.

Revelation 22:3, 5

Both the King and his royal people, reigning forever and ever!

And so as commoners-turned-royalty, let us focus on royal things, eternal things, things of value.

Therefore if you have been

raised up with Christ,

keep seeking the things above,

where Christ is,

seated at the right hand of God.

Set your mind on the things above,

not on the things that are on earth.

Colossians 3:1–2

Transformed into royalty, not commoners any more.

REST!

I was coming home from clinic the other day when I spotted this sight. Off St. Joseph Street, that runs through the campus of Dallas Seminary. Yup, a hammock! Strung between two trees by the side of the road, on one side of Chafer Chapel.

And there was a guy in it. Sleeping. A seminary student.

I suppose it is the season. No, I didn't mean the balmy and bright 75°F we've been enjoying here. As they used to say in Old English:

Sumer is icumen in,
Lhude sing cuccu!
Groweþ sed and bloweþ med
And springþ þe wde nu,
Sing cuccu!

Summer has come in,
Loudly sing, Cuckoo!
The seed grows and the meadow blooms
And the wood springs anew,
Sing, Cuckoo!

No, I didn't mean the "cuckoo!"-singing weather. By "season" I meant, "end-of-semester."

Our hardworking students have been driven even harder by us, professors. They are at the end of their tether. Final examinations commence this week. Things are hectic. Graduation is nigh.

Yup, I understand the hammock. Right by the roadside!

There was some envy in my glance. I stopped and took a picture. Wistfully. Wishing I could be in a hammock, too.

I've been working hard! Grading, grading, and more grading. Sermons, sermons, and more sermons. A plethora of papers. A cornucopia of reading reports. A bonanza of emails. All waiting to be tackled, read, assessed, graded, tabulated, reported. Work!

I need a hammock. Rest!

"I will feed My flock

and I will lead them to rest,"

declares the Lord GOD.

Ezekiel 34:15

Yup, that's what I need.

"Come to Me, all who are

weary and heavy-laden,

and I will give you rest.

Take My yoke upon you

and learn from Me,

for I am gentle and

humble in heart,

and you will find rest

for your souls.

For My yoke is easy

and My burden is light."
Matthew 11:28-30

For here we are, restless and weary, tired and worn out. Living in a broken world, broken ourselves.

O God, You are my God;

I shall seek You earnestly;

My soul thirsts for You,

my flesh yearns for You,

In a dry and weary land

where there is no water.
Psalm 63:1

Life ain't easy. The stresses are many. The strains overwhelming.

I am weary with my crying;

my throat is parched;

My eyes fail

while I wait for my God.
Psalm 69:3

But this is a God who doesn't need rest.

Do you not know?

Have you not heard?

The Everlasting God,

the LORD, the Creator

of the ends of the earth

Does not become weary or tired.

His understanding is inscrutable.
Isaiah 40:28

He's awake even when we fall into a tired stupor.

He who keeps you

will not slumber.

Behold, He who keeps Israel

will neither slumber nor sleep.
Psalm 121:3-4

So we can trust Him with everything …

… casting all your anxiety on Him,

because He cares for you.
1 Peter 5:7

His promises are secure!

And He said,

"My presence shall go with you,

and I will give you rest."
Exodus 33:14

And we rest.

Rest in the LORD

and wait patiently for Him. 
 Psalm 37:7

For it's all under control-His control. And He cares. For you and for me.

Though youths grow weary and tired,

and vigorous young men stumble badly,
yet those who wait for the LORD

will gain new strength.

They will mount up

with wings like eagles,

they will run

and not get tired,

they will walk

and not become weary.
Isaiah 40:30-31

Yeah, go for that hammock.

AUDIT!

I got audited by the Internal Revenue Service! Yup! Your faithful aBeLOGger was flagged, tagged, earmarked, and docketed the other day.

This is not something I recommend for the faint of heart. Nope. Not when they demand huge sums of money from you and even more in fines and penalties. And I mean HUGE!

No way I could have paid that!

Did you know that one day, soon and very soon, we are all going to face an Audit? One that is executed not by the IRS, but by a Divine Accountant, who makes no errors, shreds no emails, misses no deed, and hides no data.

For nothing is hidden
that will not become evident,
nor anything secret that will
not be known and come to light.
Luke 8:17

An Audit is coming soon.

… it is appointed for people to die once
and after this comes judgment.
Hebrews 9:27

You see the problem is our fudging of the numbers of life, i.e., the doing of misdeeds, the uttering of abuses, and thinking of evils—sin.

… the righteous judgment of God,
who will render to each person
according to his deeds.
Romans 2:5–6

But I tell you that
every careless word that people speak,
they shall give an accounting for it
in the day of judgment.
Matthew 12:36

… the Lord comes who will both
bring to light the things
hidden in the darkness and
disclose the motives of hearts;
and then praise will come
to each one from God.
1 Corinthians 4:5

And, as far as sin is concerned, no one passes the Audit.

For all have sinned and
fall short of the glory of God.
… the wages of sin is death.
Romans 3:23; 6:23

Which means that all of us—every man, woman, and child—is doomed to eternal separation from a holy God.

With the summons of the IRS looming, I immediately contacted my accountant, and signed a power-of-attorney form, authorizing him to act on my behalf; he took over. There was no way I, with my inadequate knowledge of tax laws and was going to go face-to-face with the government.

And there is no way you and I can pay the penalty for sin and survive the divine Audit. Someone else had to take over, like my accountant did.

(Steve, I bet you never got compared with Jesus Christ before!)

But this Someone Else, Jesus Christ, did something unprecedented. He knew I was guilty and paid for my sin—all of it.

He made Him who knew no sin
to be sin on our behalf,
so that we might become
the righteousness of God in Him.
2 Corinthians 5:21

A Great Exchange was accomplished. And that payment for sin, made by Jesus Christ, is freely available for all who believe in Him as their only God and Savior who died and rose again.

For God so loved the world,
that He gave His only begotten Son,
that whoever believes in Him
shall not perish,
but have eternal life.
John 3:16

Free for all who believe, who put their trust in Jesus.

For the wages of sin is death,
but the free gift of God is eternal life
in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 6:23

Yup, free. As in “FREE!”

(Unlike Steve!)

You came from heaven to earth, to show the way
From the earth to the cross, my debt to pay
From the cross to the grave, from the grave to the sky
Lord I lift your name on high.
Rick Founds, 1989

Happy Easter!

(And, yes, I passed the IRS audit. Thanks, Steve!)